i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
