If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh god it's open bar.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
