Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
