Define "chronic" masturbator.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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