All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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