i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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