wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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