if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
