I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
