why didn't you poke me back
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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