Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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