I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
God, I missed his penis.
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