He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
