Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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