i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize