i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
