how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize