you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
