I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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