I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
