It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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