Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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