A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
