I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
