Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
