Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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