the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
