no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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