If that was your dad, he is hot
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
