I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
don't judge my taste in strippers
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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