the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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