She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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