I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
