ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
