You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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