the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
