ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize