You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
