my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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