i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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