My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
