Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
