the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
