i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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