I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
