When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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