I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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