dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this will be a night to untag.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
