found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
