Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
