I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Two words: blizzard sex
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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