The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
