my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
