There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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