Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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