Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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