If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's get the cat blown out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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