do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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