I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
