Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
