Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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