Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
