Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
