i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
