So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize