I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
