Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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