I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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