It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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